


An Uchiha Headcannon

by Reader93



Series: Naruto Collection [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2018-12-12 18:22:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11742585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reader93/pseuds/Reader93
Summary: All Uchiha now have a thing for people that can break them like a matchstick.and they collect them.[**I've shuffled the chapters around, to make things an easier read.** The explanation replies to reviewers are the last couple of chapters (there are more lengthy replies in the actual comments, specifically the most recent reply chapter, that I haven't added into the actual story). If you do read through all the comments you find some don't match up the the chapter above, this ** is the reason why.]





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blackkat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/gifts), [Sanjuno](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanjuno/gifts).
  * Inspired by [I'm falling for your eyes (but they don't know me yet)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11500380) by [blackkat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/pseuds/blackkat). 
  * Inspired by [Hot Like Burning](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11446242) by [Sanjuno](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sanjuno/pseuds/Sanjuno). 



> @ Blackkat. 
> 
> Your rare-pairs are hell, but we love them anyway. Especially when you give us head-canons.
> 
>  So I added "Hot Like Burning" by Sanjuno to "inspired by" because this fic also contributed - I had just forgotten the name/author so it took me a while to find it. (I love their Sumigakure Series if you want to check it out)

* * *

 

An Uchiha Head-canon: They all have a THING for people that can _break them like a matchstick!_ And they'll _horde them like dragons._

* * *

 

 

I bet that's the reason for some of the tension between the clan and village too. the village produces too many dangerous(LY ATTRACTIVE) ninja, and like, the cat fights in the Uchiha compound are ridiculous.

It's not even stereotypical cat fights either - it's full on ninja style: poisoning, a little psyche torture, viscous barbed words, petty actions (really, sounds like a cat fight - doesn't it?), and "training" sessions between competitors.

Don't get me started if their crush is watching between two competitors either. Have you ever seen birds flounce and prance? and then predators fight ruthlessly in order to show off? Yes? imagine that. plus Uchiha fiery passion.

 

(And sometimes, if they're lucky, a ninja will become overwhelmingly powerful that their Uchiha competitors automatically decide they'd be very happy to share. After all, if one Uchiha can entice a powerful ninja into a relationship, surely two will entice an even more powerful ninja?)

 

 

There is a reason Konoha tries to keep them in village - they _do not want to loose them to other villages' dangerous shinobi!_

 

(Let's be honest: the Uchiha have a reputation to uphold - if they decide you're  _theirs_   then they're going to take care of you. Even if they have to _calmly_ and _politely_ 'ask' the Hokage to give you a week or two off to _take care of you_.)

 

 

It's bad enough that they're unfairly attractive, rich, and powerful in their own rights; but other villages would do  _anything_ to get their hands on their Blood-limit - if it comes with an attached and infatuated Uchiha as well? They'd _definitely_ start dangling their S-Classed Shinobi/Kunochi like 2-bit whores in front of them. 

No, Konoha won't allow that to happen at all. So the Uchiha are to go to the Military Police, where they can plot to kidnap/tie-up-and-marry/horde/collect all the wonderfully dangerous ninja of Konoha instead. Because there is nothing like two or three Uchiha's planning on pouncing on one's ninja to keep them motivated and loyal. And happy. (And satisfied). 

 

(Saying that, if there is a particularly powerful Nuke-Nin that would be a _great_ addition to Konoha's ranks? Well, a conveniently timed mission to hunt them down that _just happens_ to have and Uchiha or two? Purely coincident, that.)

 

* * *

 

( the "/" is together they have collected:

and the "&" is the first person collected the second, and together they've collected: )

Madara/Izuna: Hashirama, Tobirama, Touka, Mito. (Obito? Akatsuki? the entire Biju? All shinobi nations + samurai?)

Kagami: Tobirama, Hiruzen, Danzo, Koharu, (that other guy I honestly can't remember for the life of me)

Fugaku & Mikoto (because you'll never convince me otherwise): Kushina, Minato, (and i'm pretty sure most of the other clan heads were abducted at one point or another - InoShikaCho: can you see what teamwork does to people? Hyuuga: Twins. Twin Badasses. Enough said. Inuzuka? Aburame? Of course they'd go for a whole set. What are you taking them for?)

Obito: Rin, Minato (in a mentor way), Kakashi, Kisame, Deidera, Sasori, Orochimaru (sorta depends on what angle you go for there), Konan, Pein/Nagato, Hidan, Kakazu (look, he essentially made his own harem of S-Class Deadlies ( _Delights_ ) okay?). He later collects Sasuke. Zetsu is a bit "meh" considering, but I suppose he counts by technicalities. (Itachi? Madara? the entire Biju? All shinobi nations + samurai?)

Shisui & Itachi: Hana, Tenzo, Kakashi, Kisame (I can't think of anyone else at the moment. help) (Obito? Akatsuki?)

Sasuke: Kakashi (mentor), Naruto, Sakura, Karin, Orochimaru (please, he definitely wanted an S-Class shinobi to claim, he just didn't know Kakashi was one in his own right), the rest of his team (Hebe or Taka?) after he left Oro that I can't spell the name of. If he'd had played it right you could have added the Rookie 12 as a whole...

 

_(I'm almost positive that the Jiraiya, Tsunade, Shizune and Sakumo should be added in here somewhere... not to mention others...)_

* * *

 

Recent Edits are underlined - If you think I should add anyone, please tell me. If you think I should subtract, please tell me as, however I'd like your reasoning as well (I'd like your reasoning whether plus or subtract because reviews are my life blood and inspire me to do more!)


	2. I didn't think there'd be another chapter...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An addition inspired by a recent review
> 
> (Thanks missixo )

Review by missixo

This is great. XD

I mean, depending on the Uchiha's degree of "this is mine, so that is mine" you could argue the other characters get fought over because Uchiha are set-completionists.

* * *

 

 

You are absolutely correct. Everyone knows about their perfectionist tendencies (I think it's hardwired into their DNA - like the "hn" and casual arrogance they wear so well). I'd also say it's part of the reason Fugaku and Mikoto pretty much collected their generation of clan heads (as well as each other).

(It's probably the real reason they created the village with the Senju: the Uchiha's Greatest Collection - aka the entire Fire Country Shinobi Clans, Ed Shodai, Ed Nidaime, Ed Sandaime, Ed Yondaime. If it takes one uchiha to collect a good Shinobi, two to collect a great Shinobi (or many greats), then the Village Hidden in the Leaves is the entire efforts of a Clan of Uchiha - the collect of clans of great Shinobi, that then breeds more great Shinobi - a never ending gift!)

(Also, the Nidaime may have created the MP for the Uchiha, do you really think they'd refuse a legitimate reason to patrol their greatest collection? It'd be like counting out stamps or coins: "promising academy student, civilian, civilian, chunin claimed by cousin Ko', civilian, genin, genin, genin - recent team - jonin sensei, civilian, MP unit 5, civilian, chun- wait a second *flash of Sharingan* a recent and unexpected promotion! Hello~ new collectable!")


	3. Why reviewers why!? (aka: Yuu's [your] Story)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ElitaPond; this is your fault!
> 
> Or where in, I'm weak to inspirational reviews and this never meant to be multi-chaptered 
> 
> and I'm now including generalised head-cannons for other shinobi clans - I'll probably create a separate fic for that too....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are others who have reviewed (cough*AmikoTheGreat*cough*anon"kat"*cough) that have also inspired add ons.
> 
> So keep your eyes out for them!
> 
> (but seriously, I am so weak to 'additional' reviews......)

* * *

  

**ElitaPond**

I LOVE this headcanon! Its great! ^^  
What I also can imagine is S-class shinobi FIGHTING about certain Uchiha, I mean can you imagine what kind of reputation they would GET by being courted/chased/hunted by an uchiha? xD

* * *

   

So here's the thing, you're a civilian born shinobi, raised by civilians and thy're generally not very impressive to the shinobi corps: civilians have their own hang-ups and traditions, and shinobi have their own hang-ups and traditions - its a universal fact across all hidden nations. Then the hidden nations themselves have their own peculiar ticks and tricks taught, learnt, and lived by shinobi (and to a lesser extent civilians).

* * *

 

Civilians never really got over the " _love who you love_ " thing - they're really stuck on procreation and what roles you should take as defined by _sex_ (as opposed to _gender_ ). So sex-roles (and _not_ the kinky kind) are stick with woman=in house maid and baby bearer, and man=macho provider and sperm donate-er. Not very fair for either sex, for _multitudes_ of reasons. And children, regardless of sex, are _meant_ to obey their parents. Which is normal across both shinobi and civilians - however civilian's don't really have the allowances that shinobi have (ie: certain secrets must be kept, certain leeway allowed, etc. Minor things really).

It's hard enough to trying to fit into a new crowd of _civilians_ , let alone learning the do's and don't's of _shinobi_ _customs_. If your smart, and polite, enough you can use the academy to learn (it already indoctrinates you to _some_ of the customs - you just need to find out more). There are some unsaid things that are simpler to figure out than others.

Lets focus on Konoha:

  * the more talented you are, the crazier you get. Decide what your "quirk" is now, otherwise it'll just sneak up on you out of nowhere and you'll be left with something like reading porn in public, or wearing skintight spandex in bright eye-searing colours (which may or may not make it vaguely _sheer_...)
  * sometimes, you should be terrified of the chunin (see: Iruka)
  * Your crazy needs to be civilian-friendly (yes, the _porn_ counts, it only makes people mad not bleed)
  * Don't talk about ANBU. It _doesn't_ exist. There _all_ ghosts and spirits without faces. 
  * If you know an agent from ANBU - you _don't_. Because ANBU _doesn't exist_.
  * Don't tempt R&D with _anything_
  * like saying " _that should be impossible_ " they take it as a _challenge_ (they said that to the Shodai about the Village, and the Nidaime about some of his Jutsus, and the Sandaime- you know what just _don't_. )
  * or like "what if we do this instead?" (How do you _think_ training ground _44_ was created?)
  * teams are _sacred_ and _holy_ _ground_
  * Don't insult an Inuzuka about their dogs. just _don't_
  * Uchiha's are _always_ arrogant, its _ingrained_ into their genes - don't let it get to you
  * That bug your seat neighbour crushed? It started a long lasting grudge with the Aburame in your class. Your neighbour dropped out after three months, terrified of buzzing bugs. They still won't talk about it
  * Like the Inuzuka and their dogs, don't insult the _Hair_ of the Hyuuga. You won't be able to _walk_ afterwards
  * Say nothing insulting about the Akimichi. **_Nothing_**. They probably won't mind themselves, but they come with _Yamanaka_ (ie, gossip/rumour controllers, poison specialists, and interrogators - say goodbye to your sanity, reputation, and bodily control) and _Nara_ (ie, those terrifyingly lazy genii? Yeah, not so lazy when they come for you. In the shadows. At night. In broad daylight. If they imply something about you, never-mind your reputation, say goodbye to your career - no one will work with you again.)
  * Don't do _anything_ to _motivate_ a Nara
  * Don't do _anything_ to get on the _wrong_ side of the Yamanaka
  * **_Don't do it_**
  * the _Sarutobi_? Yeah, let's just piss off the _Hokage's_ family shall we?
  *  and so many many more.....



However, if you make it through that minefield, you'll come out understanding Basic Courtesy of Shinobi Customs Fire-Country-Edition. (You pick up other Nations as you gain field experience - hopefully by your _team leader_ and _not_ by hit-and-miss foreign shinobi style. You probably _won't_ live through that mistake). At this point, you'll have worked through your civilian ideals of the _not-fun_ sex roles. Either your _parents_ have given up trying to get you to retire, marry, have babies, and settle civilian style; or _you've_ given up on them. (For continued relationships sake, let's hope its the first - the second is painful and messy). You've discovered you're either as _straight_ as an _Uzumaki Spiral_ or as _bent_ as a _senbon_ \- plus anything in between - by experimentation. And it's _relief_. 

You've even taken on the unspoken (and hard to understand or find) idiom of " _to get stronger, you must exhaust yourself into the hospital many times by bullheaded stubborn training-yourself-into-the-ground_ " (which is really less of a _slang saying_ and more of a _working belief system_ ). You're _finally_ at a level in which enables you to take on the jounin exams. Whether you get _Specialised_ Jounin or _Full_ Jounin doesn't matter: you've successfully risen above civilian ideologies and difficulties to make a name for yourself as a _ninja_. 

And _this_ , you later realise, is where you start to find out that there are _far more_ unspoken shinobi 'quirks' than you know. _Especially_ when it involves clans. And  _specifically_  when that clan is the _Uchiha._  

* * *

 

Your first hint that something was wrong came when you were walking home with your groceries a few weeks after your promotion. An Inuzuka Chunin came growling up to you with their canine partner - you remembered them from the mission that had finally earned you the right to a promotion, you'd saved their life by taking an injury that'd left you in hospital for a few days. They'd stopped right in your face, glowering at you. Out of the corner of your eye you register the attention of a Military Police Unit.

"Uhhhh.... May I help you Inuzuka-san?" You asked politely while leaning away. The Inuzuka snorts, grins large enough to show off their fangs, and says, "I didn't know they'd be interested in you, but seeing where you are now I'm not surprised. Just remember you have a place in with the pack too, we'll have your back regardless of how many challenges you get!" Their companion "woofed" gruffly in agreement. 

"Thank you Inuzuka-san?" You replied, hoping that it was the right answer. It must have been as they nodded, clasped you on the shoulder, then started walking off. They turned back to call back, "Call me Riku - you're pack now!" before they were running off. The MP's attention, which had waned slightly when Riku'd snorted, looked over with more interest.  _Probably because not many civilian born shinobi are accepted into Inuzuka Packs, let alone shinobi with ninja backgrounds,_ you thought fleetingly.

You then stood blinking after Riku for a while, then shrugged it off. It seems those rumours about Inuzuka adoptions were somewhat true: save their or their companion's life, and you'll have a proverbial guard-dog for life.   _If only_ , you thought bemusedly,  _to have your back in a bar fight anyway._ You knew it went deeper of course, you'd learnt that one recently: If an Inuzuka claims you as pack (and you're not from their genin team or on their regular cell), it means you've joined partially joined their personal pack (and the full join is up to the efforts the people involved put forth). So you warmed yourself to the notion of seeing and meeting more Inuzuka involved in your life than before, not really upset about the idea at all.

It's only as you start unpacking your groceries in your unit's kitchen that you register what _else_ Riku had said.  _"we'll have your back regardless of how many challenges you get!"_  

What challengers?

* * *

 

The answer came 8 days later. A jounin from one of the lesser known shinobi clans publically challenged you to "all-out" spar a remark ending with, "...I don't see why _you_ have their attention!" You accepted, wondering why anyone would dare protest an Inuzuka's claim - maybe it was a lesser-clan thing? - and you both agreed to time and field for later that afternoon.

For the past eight days, not only had you be seeing an increase of Inuzuka's, but you'd met shinobi from some of the other greater-clans. An Aburame or Hyuuga or two you'd expected - after all, with the Inuzuka's, they made up a majority of the tracking departments and generally worked well together. Even the Ino-Shika-Cho clan triad wasn't as much as a surprise, capturing a target for information generally included tracking as well and curiosity played a large part. You weren't even all that surprised when a the Uchiha's got curious too. However, you were surprised at the _number_ of Uchiha that introduced themselves. Granted, some of their curiosity had waned pretty quickly - you'd get a nod a greeting if you crossed paths afterwards - but there were a few that would stop and sincerely ask after you. It was quite flattering really. 

Honestly, you'd thought that if any one voicing problems about being in a Pack, it would've been one of those clans - if not the Inuzuka Clan themselves. 

* * *

 

Realising that the challenge had been public and understanding bored shinobi would turn up to watch, and knowing is a completely separate thing. Surprisingly to you, the clan with the majority turn out is _not,_ in fact, Inuzuka. It is _Uchiha_. Riku, of course, is there cheering you on already - and growling at your opponent - but it is how many Uchiha faces you recognise in the crowd that lifts your spirits. Don't get you wrong, Riku is an incredibly good friend and may just be on their way to 'best', but the Uchiha's were the ones to approach with no incentive. They went out of their way to get to know you, and now their showing they're eagerly showing their support for you. 

The weird things Riku, and everyone not Uchiha, has been saying crosses your mind, not that you realise that they're all connected. ' _Of course they're eager Yuu! You're a_ Jounin _! One that's a_ civilian-born! _And you're already an_ A-Rank _Ninja! What_ more _could they_ ask for _?_ ' and ' _You'd better prepare yourself for the territorial disputes Yuu-san - I heard they could get..._ messy' and ' _Yes, you are garnering more attention with a certain greater-clan. Why? Because they can be persistent when someone has caught their attention.'_ and even ' _So Yuu~ Would you prefer one chase? Or more~?_ ' It was very confusing to you, and you're worried (absolutely certain) that you're missing something important most shinobi clans know as fact.

Your opponent moves towards the centre of the training field, and you mirror them. The murmurs of bets, gossip, and speculations go quiet. An Akimichi moves out of the crowd and gives some basic rules, "No permanent Injuries, No deaths, and nothing that lasts more than a day in Hospital." You both agree. "Then START!"

* * *

 

 

Unsurprisingly to you, you won your match - your dedication to advancing your skills wouldn't stop just because you finally got the promotion you deserved. No, what was surprising was _how much skill you won your match by_. Your challenger was a Jounin with _4 years experience_ under that rank. You knew you were being held back against advancing - all civilian born shinobi were to an extent if they didn't catch the eye(s) of a high-rank shinobi or a clan to back them - but you didn't know there was so much ingrained prejudice against them. Us. You. 

Immediately after the match ended in your favour, quite a number of shinobi from lesser and new ninja clans started protesting and yelling about cheating. Riku, of course, was instantly at my side yelling back. Their team cell landed a breath behind us, supporting use with their presence. Before it descended into a physical row, a few Uchiha stepped forward - they were wearing the MP's uniform, and their eyes were glowing like embers.

"We have witnessed this spar, and immortalised it with our eyes. At no point did Jounin Yuu-san disregard the rules set in place, or ' _cheat_ '." The Uchiha - _Tatami?_ You thought - _sneered_ with disdain on the last word. "We are _Ninja_. We are  _expected_ to cheat."

Uchiha Miku reached me first, "You were so _talented_ , Yuu-san. I didn't know you are so _skilled_!" She told me breathlessly, eyes smiling. "We _have to_ spar one time, Yuu-san, that was _amazing_!" Uchiha Hikaru gushed. Another Uchiha, one I didn't recognise, elbowed Miku and Hikaru visciously saying, "Mi-chan, Karu-kun, _introduce me!_ " while a few more of my new friends called out their congratulations.

You couldn't help it, you closed your eyes and laughed with exhilaration - at the successful battle stamping on the whispers at your promotion, becoming Pack, my new friends; you didn't know. 

_And you didn't see your little gaggle (murder?) of Uchiha's expressions when you laughed either._

* * *

 

 

 You don't know how - and you certainly don't know when - but your reputation as a skilled shinobi _soared._ As it rose, so did the number of challengers that demanded a match from you; and out of all those matches, you _won_ most of them. It was  _invigorating_. And you were invited to a few friendly training matches with your Uchiha friends too -  _no_ wonder _the greater clans are so_ good _if they are as_ intense _as the Uchiha when training_ \- which inevitably turned into staying for lunch or dinner (or both, you learnt that Uchiha were _persistent_  when it comes to their guest's comforts, especially when home made food is in question).

You were also invited to training sessions with other renowned shinobi. When you asked Riku what you'd done to get the invitations, they'd cracked up and said, "Isn't it obvious? Only powerful or talented shinobi garner _their_ attention!"

Of course, you were absolutely positive at this point you were missing some basic fact. (You just didn't realise that the Uchiha friends you were complaining to about missing said point, found it cute at how flustered you were getting.) 

* * *

 

 

It wasn't until you were kidnapped and secreted away under an the Uchiha Temple by three Uchiha chunin and two Uchiha Jounin trying to "...take care of you - its so _exhilarating_ and _invigorating_ to watch you smash others _like a bug!_ " that you realised that yes. You missed something. It was big. And _incredibly_ distracting and worthy of _so many challenges_.

 

_The Nidaime was right -  the Uchiha should stick to the village. They are our_ **greatest** _protectors._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those that noticed, yes that is a phonetics pun. After all, we are imagining you are 'Yuu'.
> 
> No - I can't write fight scenes. I'm not going to try either. I'm sure that all your imaginations will be infinitely better than what I could come up with.
> 
> And the ending is vague on purpose - I'm not going to add high-ratings (if that's where your mind took you) and I'd like to think there should be some sort of mystery during the "kidnapping/extreme wooing/honeymooning" period. 
> 
> ps: is it jonin or jounin?


	4. Part 1 of Kakashi Centre Pin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kakashi is a centre pin - or at least a favoured toy to be fought over.
> 
> (Obtio, Shisui, Itachi, and Sasuke all recognise power, skill, and talent. It's just a matter of who deserves it more)
> 
> also, in which not everything is hordes of uchiha fans and roses - warning for a bit (a lot) of heart pulling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AmikoTheGreat
> 
> this is your fault.
> 
> Part 1 of 2, because I needed to add a little backstory (cough*tragedy*cough) before I can get to the 'fighting over kakashi' portion

* * *

**AmikoTheGreat**

For the itachi and shishu thing, wouldn't they have kakashi too since he was in anbu too and they were probably on the same team?

Does that mean there were 3 way fighting between obito, sasuke, and itachi for kakashi? Especially itachi and obito cause obito couldn't really reveal that he was obito and they were both there in atastuski for a while yea? Bet they fought a lot there too   
(I'm laughing because the 3 way fights for kakashi has to be hilarious, then it goes down to 2 and it's just really funny for me)

* * *

 

~~This is for you (if it follows canon, in any case. Because it would be so much better if everything was a fix-it, but I don't have the time for that at the moment... maybe later)~~

* * *

Uchiha Obito found his first Treasure in Nohara Rin. She was so kind and bright in his lonely world that it did not matter they were still children, with no real talent, or skill, or power.

_(For all he lacked in shinobi skills, he had never lacked in his ability to ferret out potential. It was a pity most of his clan wrote him off as a clumsy child going nowhere - his empathetic talents would've been near-worshipped if they'd known.)_

His second Treasure was Hatake Kakashi - not that he recognised it as such. For all that Kakashi's time was brief in the Academy, Obito still recognised him as someone to watch for.

 _(However, Kakashi's attitude left_ much _to be desired and, as Obito is an orphan with no-one to truly guide him through his newfound feelings towards competency, it turned into a dislike-hate rivalry)_

His third (and fourth) came with his jounin sensei. And his girlfriend. Namikaze Minato-sensei and Uzumaki Kushina were awesome.

_(Though he didn't really need the somewhat territorial two-step he did did with his Clan Head and his Wife! At least he got some-what adopted along with the rest of his team though, his shinobi skills really improved!)_

And everything was awesome: he got specialised time with his clan(head!), spent time with his crush, trained with his rival - under the direction of his sensei, and planned pranks with his sensei's girlfriend.

 

Then the Kanabi Bridge Mission happened. So he gave Kakashi (his teammate, his rival, his _second Treasure_ ) his eye and charged him with Rin's (his  _first Treasure's_ ) safety. Then told them both to leave ( _get out stay alive be safe LIVE!_ ) content with saving  (preserving) the lifes' of his Treasures at the cost of his own.

* * *

_Madara's Madness. That's what they called it - when the love of ones first Treasure is ones entire stability and sanity. Other Treasures help of course, but it has to be something one could trust as fully and as deeply as their first. Madara lost his brother (his first Treasure) - and more mind-destroying-ly devastating: he lost his _ **first** _Treasure to the_ **third** _Treasure, his_ **second** _Treasures beloved brother. Most of the Elder's of the Uchiha clan never really stopped  hating or resenting the Senju either - they were just quieter about. Whispering insidious things into Madara's ear. They wouldn't even let his other Treasures get a chance to help him - why would they when they could use Madara bring their destruction instead?_

_And Madara learnt from the **best**. Obito never stood a chance against Madara's Madness. Witnessing the death of his **first** Treasure at the hand of his **second** , it **broke** him. And in succumbing to the Madness, Obito killed his **third** and **fourth** Treasures._

 

_**Destroying** his second in the process._

* * *

Shisui's first was his younger cousin Itachi. And Itachi's first was Shisui.

As they shared their first Treasures as each other, they shared their second: Hound - otherwise known as Hatake Kakashi-tachio.

He was broken and wounded, and despite that he always made sure they'd come home. Always looked out for them in his awkward way. Not that they (Itachi, really) could throw stones, but it still counted. 

They wanted to return the favour. They wanted to sneak him away for a week or two, feed him up, heal his tired soul, glue his shattered pieces together with gold. But they couldn't - not with the rumours in the village, the suspicious eyes in the shinobi, and the careful words the Hokage, Council, and Elders speak.

It pained them both to see a Treasure barely dragging himself together, pieces stained with blood and screams and guilt.

 

Tensions getting worse, Danzo with an offer, mistakes made in whom one can trust... Itachi watched as Shisui fell to the pressure, their mistakes. And as Shisui fell, Madara's Madness began to crow. 

* * *

_Shisui was his first Treasure - his backbone, his rock, his sanity - despite many believing it was his younger brother Sasuke. It was an easy mistake to make, really._

 

 _Shisui was Itachi's first **Treasure** , b_ _ut from the first moment Itachi laid eyes on his brother, Sasuke had his **heart**. (It was the only reason Itachi's Madness spared him)._

* * *

  _I tachi's Insanity: Wherein one is inflicted with witnessing ones first Treasure's death, is unable to stabilise ones self with another treasure (due to the agendas of politically powerful people), one is convinced that there are 'no other paths' and slaughters loved ones. The hysteria and pain one feels afterwards leads to a slow decent into insanity; one only remains alive so that the survivor(s) may take their revenge._

 

_Surprisingly, (or not), ones Treasures are **not** included in the slaughter._

* * *

 

Before- Before, Sasuke would've believed that his first Treasure was ~~his- Ita-~~ _That Man_.

 _~~It wasn't, just as he held Itachi's heart, Itachi held his. Still.~~ _ ~~~~

~~~~Sasuke's first Treasure was ~~Uzumaki Naruto~~ The Dobe. He (Naruto) was the first to make him see outside his self-inflicted bubble of hate. Naruto drew Sasuke out of it like one would draw Toxins or Poisons from a wound - painfully, forcefully, and with dogged determination. With each challenge, with each fail, with each time he would _get back up_ \- well, even Sasuke couldn't stop such unrelenting force, not for long anyway.

His sensei was his second, barely. Hatake Kakashi-sensei only really began to prove himself during their A-rank to Wave.

(Sakura made his third Treasure by a _Hair-width_. If only for the vague fondness he'd held for her unwavering loyalty. How she'd stood before him and the Dobe when they where indisposed. How she _finally_ found her conviction. How her loyalty to him extended past her's for Konoha - it was something he _knew_ he'd Treasure after  _That Man_ happened. It still wasn't something he'd acknowledge for _years_ to come).

His Next Treasure was Orochimaru (or was Sasuke Orochimaru's next Treasure?). He was strong  _his seal whispered painful half-truths in his mind_ , He had power  _come to me, he'd say, come to me and I'll give you power_ , He succeeded  _all the power you'd want or need_.

* * *

 

 _Sasuke's mind had already held back madness, vainly. Naruto helped. He'd almost succeeded. Orochimaru's seal withered any barrier that was made, and recreated the madness anew._  

_What happened at the Valley of the End? Well, Madara's Madness collided with Itachi's Insanity, fed by Orochimaru's Delirium: the 'death' of ones first Treasure, but this time by ones own mad hands - and all for power._

 

_Sasuke's Sanity. In which the desire for power overrides an Uchiha's natural protective (possessive) instincts and renders ones sanity into nothing more than a delirium, causing the death of ones Treasures by ones own hands. It is usually provoked and fed by outside means._

* * *

 

Kakashi is a broken man.

He has lost so many, and so much. It is honestly a miracle he still breathes with each passing day.

_He is consumed by guilt._

_Obito_

_Rin_

_Minato_

_Kushina_

_Shisui_

_Itachi_

_Sasuke_

_I have failed you all._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If it isn't really clear, Shisui and Itachi actually share Kakashi. This is Partly because they both join ANBU at a similar time, but mostly because they are each others (first) Treasures. 
> 
> All that means is that they are able to share Treasure's a lot easier than other Uchiha (whom usually go through the entire shinobi/kunichi-style cat-fights to eventually [grudgingly] come to a compromise/agreement)


	5. Part 2 of KCP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even insane and mad Uchiha's can't help collecting. Sasuke contemplates the Treasures he abandoned when faced with their high-ranking abilities. And introducing 3 relatively "sane" Uchiha + an Edo Tensai edition on to a battle field isn't the best thing to do.
> 
> Or: Akatsuki tensions are high. Sasuke is a territorial house cat (or a broody bad-tempered goose). And baiting an ocean with fish guts and expecting the predators to be happy with the food "safely" stored in a small container they can see but not get to generally ends ... not so well. (But its like watching a train wreck)
> 
> (Or: Naruto, Sakura, and Tenzou feel like Karma is finally on their side, and Kakashi is confused as to when he became the Icha Icha Heroine in this Uchiha Match Off...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In which more than one Uchiha was resurrected by Edo-tensai, and the Jyuubi never gets a chance to form. 
> 
> Because that many Skilled, Powerful, and Competent Shinobi in one place does something to an Uchiha... Especially when they can't decide who has "first dibs"
> 
> (Konohan shinobi are the only ones that understand what's going on. The others are SO CONFUSED. What do you mean sit back and enjoy the show? Why are you showing off non-lethally? -whispers to others- Konohan shinobi are crazy - but worse! Their the crazy that WORKS!)
> 
> (Because I did cannon in the 1st Part, but not in the 2nd. Purely for audience, convenience, hilarity, and What-If?)

* * *

 

One expects high tensions when joining a terrorist cell made of S-Rank Missing-nin. _In fact_ , Kisame thought idly, _it's a fact of life_. Like the sky is blue, water is wet, and putting a bunch of highly skilled ninja (who largely work alone) together is going to be... _trying_. To put it lightly.

 _Large egos, psychotics, prides, and paranoia don't really make the most serene work or living conditions_ ; the Kisame thought.  _it's just that I didn't expect_ this _kind of tension. Especially not between_ Itachi _and_ Tobi _, of all people_.

 

What? You didn't think looking like a shark and being able to breathe underwater were the only things Hoshigaki Kisame got for being blue, did you? Most people of _Mist_   ~~(and once Uzushio)~~ knew that those closest to nature mimic it to an extent: just look at the Inuzuka or Aburame of Kami's sake! It's not  _his_ fault that most other shinobi (aside from Konoha, now that he thinks about it) don't look underneath the underneath!

~~[While causally trolling his cute team, and copy-nin feels like he should be proud someone, somewhere, is following one of his most important shinobi rules.]~~

It's quite simple: those with more... _animal-istic_ tendencies have more than five senses. They are able to pick up on some of the more obscure communications. And, in this case, Kisame _definitely_ knows when a territorial dance/battle is going down.

_(He finds it hilarious, and rather disappointing, that the others haven't picked up on it yet... except for when Orochimaru was here (who was a) ex-Konoha, and b) Snake-y) - Kisame is the one who picks up on these subtle messages between the two, and the developing tension)._

In fact, he'd find it worrying if it weren't so damn _cute_. It's ego-stroking for sure, but mostly _cute_. Granted, it took Kisame a rather long while to figure out what, exactly, was setting them off; but when he figured it out Kisame decided that watching them was _far_ more entertaining.

 

The reason it took Kisame so long to figure it out, was partly how seldom they were all together (usually doing missions) and partially the different animal-tendencies they inherited. Kisame got the cold-blooded instincts of a rather large, solo, and predatory fish, (and as such, gets rather disappointed in the way so many female ninja tend to lack in physical strength and sheer predatory presence), while Itachi and Tobi had... well, they either rather touchy mammals (Kisame can't even _think_ "bristling kitties" lest he start laughing) or preening, puffing avian raptors (both had claws and sharp minds, but for all his preferences towards physicality; one learns to appreciate _all_ kinds of predators when living in Mist). For all the inherited traits were all animals, there was still a bit of hoop jumping to figure out which dialect one needs to understand.

 _And even then_ , Kisame thought sheepishly amused - recalling an incident when Itachi and him first started working together, _misunderstandings can still happen_. 

* * *

It started small. A light touch here, a brief brush there - nothing anyone living closely together really pays attention too. In fact, even Kisame dismissed it at first (though when he figures out what's going on, he consoles himself that at least he _noticed_ it from the start). Tobi would run his hands along the back of the couch when Deidara or Sasori were sitting there; Itachi would appear within Kisame's space - not quite touching, but definitely _there_. Tobi would, somehow, leave "souvenir" sized masks _everywhere_. Itachi would retaliate by replacing most of Tobi's weapons (in the various weapon stashes hidden in each Akatsuki hideout) with his [Itachi's] own. 

When Kisame went to polish his sword ( _which is definitely NOT an euphemism, thanks Deidara!_ ) Itachi would appear out of the shadows with an incredibly expensive and _high_ above-standard weapons-care-kit for him to specifically use on Samehidea. And then silently melt back into the shadows with only a vaguely kitten-smug glance towards Tobi. Kisame raised his eyebrow at the small spike of killing-intent, and looked over to see Tobi _fuming_  quietly before disappearing.

The next day Kakuzu was counting out ~~Akatsuki~~ his money while everyone, bar Leader, Konan, Tobi, and Zetsu, was lounging around. Then Tobi appears in the door way, "Tobi's been an extra Good-Boy today~!" He presents a box to Kakuzu. Kakuzu grunts and reaches for the box, knowing it was best to humour Tobi now then be bugged for the next few hours. Opening the box, Kakuzu pulls out three scrolls: two sealing scrolls, and one information scroll. Eyeing the sealing scrolls, Kakuzu process to open and read the last scroll. Then promptly chokes. Interested, everyone tried to crowd around to read what it said; however, Kakuzu immediately re-scrolls the message, grabs the two sealed scrolls, and turns to Tobi stating, "Tobi has been a very good boy!" And leaves in the shocked silence.

It wasn't until Hidan returned from their shared room, that they got their answers: Tobi had brought back the bounty, heart, and bounty-certificate of a high priced, A-Ranked Missing-Nin with wind-natured chakra. Kisame noticed Itachi was a little more ruthless towards their opponents, and seemed to have taken over hunting, gathering, and cooking, when on missions. Only to take over the kitchen when they returned to base. 

And while no-one really complained about being kicked out of the kitchen (quite frankly they almost through a party - who knew Uchiha-cooked food tasted so good!? ~~A number of highly skilled Konohan Ninja felt the pangs of longing: they craved an Uchiha-meal once again!.~~ ) Kisame was getting a little irritated with his new partner: Itachi was stealing all his kills! And he couldn't even sate his blood lust on hunting game when the Uchiha had already supplied that as well!!

 

It was only after returning to a base in Grass from a particularly irritating mission (Itachi had once again provided everything, leaving Kisame feeling _useless_ and his instincts battling with unresolved blood-lust), that he managed to piece together what was really happening. They had been using this particular base for about three weeks, checking in twice then leaving for a mission. Apparently this was enough time for the kid to get acquainted with the stray cats from the local village an hour away. As Itachi sat outside, enjoying the sunlight, a few of the strays wandered over to him. 

As he was in an irritated huff, Kisame didn't really pay attention until Itachi gave a breathless laugh. "What?" Kisame grunted, looking over to him. Itachi presented a dead field mouse to Kisame, "I have received a gift." Itachi said solemnly, stroking a purring cat. 

"A gift?" Kisame raised his eyebrow. Then his other eyebrow rose to join it as he took in the other strays, all of which were bearing gifts; field mice, small birds, and small fish were the gifts of choice.

"A gift." The kid confirmed seriously, "They have proven themselves as capable hunters by providing food for themselves as well as myself."

"Huh" Kisame exhaled; suddenly less aggrevated, with an idea niggling in his mind. 

 

Itachi was visited by his summons the next day and Kisame watched with his shark-like focus, thinking intensely. As expected, Itachi's crows came bearing gifts. All were shiny, but some were useful: some coins here, sell-able jewellery there, a handful of senbon (still in prime condition), and even a shuriken. (There were, of course, bits of plastic jewellery and a few shiny stones that were pretty to look at as one would expect from crows). The kid even presented his own little shiny-item stash to the crows as an offering.

The pieces clicked together for Kisame. Itachi standing inside his space: a small claim like a cat. Itachi giving him an expensive care-kit: a gift like the crows. Itachi's weapons everywhere: a territorial battle, or even _shedding fur/feathers_. The recent string of kill-stealing and hunting: teasing and challenging like crow do, and proving himself capable of protecting and providing like a cat. And probably working his frustrations of his territorial battle with Tobi out on their opponents.

The last bit of instinctual aggravation and frustration released, it wasn't kill-stealing from a shark (very few survived the resulting temper tantrums of kill-stealing from his clan) but mammalian (feline) and avian acceptance rituals. It had been so long since he'd met those more inclined to animal-istic tendencies, that Kisame had forgotten that the practices and "dialects" where different for different classes and species. 

Of course, now that he'd figured it out, Kisame'd still have to talk with Itachi: wouldn't do for either of them to trample over dangerous _instinctual_ triggers, now would it?

 

* * *

 

 _At least after that chat everything became much smoother_ , Kisame mused as Itachi approached him in the clearing, only for the kid to sprawl like a cat over him, _even if Tobi and Itachi never did find even ground between them._

* * *

 

 He had forgotten how fun it was to rile up Uchiha's. Of course, this was when the Uchiha's that collected him hadn't been systematically disgraced, 'displaced', or killed-off. All before Orochimaru had been approached to join root. (Sometimes Orochimaru wonders why he chose to join root ( ~~ _had it been his choice?_~~ ), his Uchiha's had always been wary around Danzou, but those thoughts always slipped away for his mind ( ~~ _he was always forgetting to follow that idea_~~ )). 

 

_(And he'd **held back** from joining root; held onto the crumbling semblance of sanity he'd had left until the rumours and whispers got too much, had invaded into the **shinobi** circles, into the **Uchihas** '. And by then he'd lost any support system that could've helped hold him back). _

 

 But Orochimaru was remembering how entertaining it was, by making Uchiha Sasuke bristle like a disgruntled kitty. And watch him brood grumpily like a foul-tempered goose.  _It certainly fits his hair_ , Orochimaru mused, watching as Sasuke once again descended into his 'vengeance-will-be-mine!' tantrum. Then smirked and decided to add a little more  _fun_ to the evening.

"It's such a pity, Sasuke," Orochimaru murmured slyly, "That Uzumaki couldn't have joined me. His  _potential_ has to be one of the _greatest_ I've ever seen. An _S_ -Rank technique in a _week_? A _kinjutsu_ in a few _hours_ \- not to mention how _far_ he's gone with it. And that's all _before_ one takes the Kyuubi into account, so much _raw power_ just waiting to be _refined_. Ahh yes, such a _pity_. Don't you think so Kabuto?

There was a flash of light-off-glass as Kabuto moved forward. "Yes, Orochimaru-sama, the Uzumaki's loyalty is a _pity_. Perhaps we would've had a better chance of trying the _girl_?"

Sasuke scoffed - bristling after hearing praise about the _Dobe_ of all people, after all what would a weak fan-girl be able to bring to an S-Ranked Shinobi? Or any shinobi for that matter?

Kabuto shifted his glasses, causing another flash of light, wearing a smirk, "I've heard she's a prodigy on par with the  _Nara._  A medical _genius_ whom even Tsunade-sama, the _greatest medic alive_ , believes will _surpass_ her."

Sasuke snorted and said carelessly, "Sakura was always filed as a _paper-nin_ \- I'm not surprised she went into the med-nin. They're barely even ninja to begin with."

Kabuto's smirk froze, before he looked away as it slid into something _dangerous_.  _Oh my_ , Orochimaru thought in amusement,  _It seems Sasuke will be getting a new lesson after this._

"One should never underestimate the value and potential of _paper-nin_ , Sasuke. I know _I_ certainly never have." Orochimaru said, thinking of all the paper work waiting for him in his office - suddenly intensely jealous of Tsunade.  _Maybe I_ should _have gone after the girl instead_. "But I suppose compared to your sensei, none of you will ever reach that much talent." He sighed in exaggeration.

Sasuke, still puffing like an angry goose, deflated a bit and glanced at Orochimaru with interest. Kakashi-sensei has always been a bit of a mystery. 

"Hatake Kakashi. S-Rank" - Sasuke jerked, eyes widening - "Ninja. Oh? Didn't you know, Sasuke? Your sensei is a very strong shinobi. Not to mention he survived the Third shinobi war, even though he was out in the field at 6." Kabuto said, "He is very impressive, and very high ranking."

"In the field at _'6'?_ " Sasuke choked. 

"Yes, that was when Hatake made Chunin." - Sasuke startled again - "That's right, you've always thought _Itachi_ was the youngest." Orochimaru chuckled darkly when Sasuke violently twitched, remembering how he'd [Orochimaru] had trained the boy out of his violent reaction, "No. _Itachi_ made chunin at _10_ and never _officially_ made Jounin while he was with ANBU. Impressive as he is, your _Sensei_ was chunin at 6. And because it was _war_ , of course he was out in the field. And he not only survived, he _thrived_ \- and made Jounin at _10,_  with a newly created jutsu to boot. The one he taught _you_ , in fact: the Chidori."

Kabuto laughed quietly at Sasuke's dumbfounded face, as Orochimaru left the room with dark amusement painted over his face. "And here you are repaying his trust, Sasuke. Hatake Kakashi is so highly ranked, so important and skilled, that the Council had him take on the Last Uchiha, and the Kyuubi Jinchuriki. Did you really believe that they'd give the job to anyone else? Hatake was so over-qualified that many shinobi honestly thought it was a waste to give him a genin team, when he could continue training ANBU."

"Training _ANBU_?" Sasuke whispered in shock. 

"Oh _yes_ \- Hatake Kakashi made ANBU at 13, after the war ended. After all, when you've been trained all you life to be a tool, a weapon for the village, what place would one have in peace?" Kabuto said, cruel satisfaction crossing his face as he prepared for the final jab. He continued speaking as he walked toward the door, "The saddest part is that, out of all those he taught, two have become renowned as traitors."

Sasuke jerked his head towards Kabuto, who had paused at the door, "Traitors?"

" _Traitors_ ," Kabuto confirmed in a tone that conveyed great satisfaction,"named _Uchiha Itachi_ and _Uchiha Sasuke_ ; both of whom joined up with different S-Ranked missing-nin. He must be _so proud_ of himself, your sensei. Even after the shame and guilt that followed Itachi's actions and renouncement of the village; Hatake's chance to regain his honour as a sensei by training _you_ , the traitor's little _brother_ , ended in another exiled failure."

Kabuto left Sasuke, whose harsh breathing was heard audibly a few steps down the corridor, to those words ringing around his head.

 

* * *

 It was as he started collecting his own team, Team Hebi, that Sasuke let himself think on his old team. Sasuke had never forgotten what Orochimaru and Kabuto had said that day. He couldn't, not when it had repeated again in his dreams, and haunted his moments of peace. So he let himself do something about it, if only to ~~confirm~~ disprove what they had said. 

 

Naruto, the Dobe, was both easier and harder to find and follow. Easier to find, harder to follow that is. The Dobe's loud voice, a ramen stand, he was still wearing orange; tracking him down was simple. Staying with him was _infinitely_ harder. How does Naruto even _do that_ while wearing _orange!?_ Either way, Sasuke had _finally_ managed to spy on some sparring sessions and battles outside the village in which Naruto had fought. Which, unfortunately, convinced him that Orochimaru was telling the truth: the sheer raw potential Naruto contained _far_ exceeded his own. 

But that was okay. He was still a _Dobe_ \- Sasuke didn't think even the Sage of Six Paths could change that - and, more importantly, Naruto never learnt to _refine_ his potential. At least he, Sasuke, had refined every single _aspect_ of his potential. And that was what made all the difference in the end.

Sakura was difficult to find and easy to follow: as a high ranked and highly skilled med-nin she was required to spend a lot of time in village (or on high ranked missions; ie _secret_ missions). As such finding her either meant risking Konoha;s security and trackers - all of which likely had his scent, chakra signature, and photographs - or hoping to catch her outside of the village. Or rather, hoping she was given a solo mission, without competent guards, since - as Sasuke was quick to assure himself (his ego) - Sakura would _still_ be unable to sense him _or_ fight properly so it only made sense that she'd have a _guard_ as the apprentice of the Fifth Hokage.

While he never saw her fight or spar (he doubted she could effectively) he _had_ confirmed that she was an excellent and innovated med-nin. 

 _(He would never admit that, even just as a med-nin, the sight of her competency in her chosen field caused a shiver of dread run down Sasuke's spin. Kabuto had made_ very _sure Sasuke would_ forever _regard med-nins with respect - and terror.)_

 

Sasuke had honestly been trying to forget about what they [Orochimaru and Kabuto] had said about Kakashi-sensei. (Where he was _compared_ to Him. Where he _trained_ Him, _taught_ him like he'd taught _Sasuke_ \- or would've if he'd been given more of a chance - where, in the end, he just had more _failures_. And Sasuke was _one of them_. _Is_ one of them. _Just like his **brother**_ ). That didn't mean he [Sasuke] wasn't going to try and find him [Kakashi]; it was a point of pride at this point - he'd found the others, and trained with an S-Class Missing-Nin. So finding and following Kakashi-sensei might be hard, but certainly not impossible.

Three months. It took _three months_ for Sasuke to even catch a _glimpse_ of Kakashi. And when he _did_ , it was with the Dobe, Sakura and (Sasuke felt himself bristle) _two impostors!_  

(Sasuke would never admit it to anyone, not even himself, that his first glimpse of _his_ sensei (his _team_ ) in years, surrounded by two unknowns (as though they were trying to _replace_ him!) hurt _deeply_. An impostor and a _white-washed clone_ had the trust and loyalty of _**his**_. When he [Sasuke] _didn't_!)

_(Sasuke was very firmly forgetting that **he'd** broken that trust with every action he'd taken over the years since he'd left Konoha)._

The brief flash of Intent (not-quite killing-intent, just intent) Sasuke gave out for a millisecond gave away his position; he fled - Sasuke didn't want to learn about his team's new skill sets personally.

 _(Sasuke didn't want to see them work together well in their **new team** ; against **him** )._ 

 

It took so long to find Kakashi again, that to have just another teasing glimpse before he disappeared was disappointing. Unfortunately, it also set a pattern that lasted until he had almost caught up with ~~his bro~~   ~~itach~~ _That Man_. It was then that the words still ringing inside his head, were finally confirmed. Hatake Kakashi is an _incredibly_ skilled ninja (and Sasuke was a _fool_ to give him up).

"One would expect that, having already been stalked by fan-girls before, you wouldn't resort to the same practices. No, Sasuke?" Sasuke had assumed he'd vanished again, only for Kakashi's voice to sound behind him. Jumping like a startled kitten, Sasuke whirled around while moving to create some distance between them. "What makes you think I took it up?" Sasuke demanded harshly.

"You were once my cute little student, Sasuke-kun." Kakashi said lazily, "What made you think I wouldn't recognise you? Especially after that little lapse in control so long ago."

 _He knew since then!?_ Sasuke though in astonishment,  _But my chakra signature should have changed_ just enough _to read false!*_

Kakashi giggled, eye never leaving Sasuke's form, "I'm flattered you like me so much Sasuke, but I'm afraid I'll have to turn you down. I just don't see us working together like that~"

Sasuke blanched, decided to cuts his losses (for what's left of the sanctity of his mind!), and vamoosed so fast he left an after image.

 

Kakashi's clone chuckled, it was smart of Boss to leave a clone to confront his old student while the Boss continued on his ANBU mission. He'd be very entertained about how it went.

 

* * *

The fighting wasn't as difficult was it could be: Naruto had returned to root out Zetsu, the Past Hokages were summoned and joined the fight for them (rather than _against_ , thank the _Sage_ ), and the Mad Madara (as whispered by those once claimed by Uchiha) was just sitting above them grinning like the loon he is. Everything was about as well as one could expect, while fighting in the Fourth shinobi war.

Until Kabuto summoned a few extras. An undead rendition of the Akatsuki wasn't something that could be classified as _easy_. Thankfully the Second Hokage knew how to disrupt the control seal. Unfortunately, that didn't mean the Akatsuki would fight _for_ them either. As it were, no-one really noticed the extra addition until Hatake Kakashi ( _"Why is it always Konoha?" "I don't know, why is it always Team 7?" "Or crazy Uchiha!" "Or_ crazy Uchiha. _"_ ) suddenly became the centre of Uchiha attention.

( _And the shinobi nations. What? Did you really think they'd give up free drama?_ )

 

"Kakashi-Tachio! I missed you so much!" Cried a voice as they flung themselves forward. 

"Shi- Shisui?!" Kakashi choked with shock, arms wrapping around his young Kouhai to try and steady both of them. And then Itachi was there.

" _Shisui_ ," Itachi breathed unaltered emotions fighting across his stricken face, "Your _here_. You came _back_." Itachi's voice broke on the last word. Shisui pulled his head back, grinned, and lifted an arm to drag Itachi in-between Kakashi and himself. Kakashi was absolutely certain he was about to break out in _hives_. He'd have fled the scene if it weren't for the ~~light~~ strangle hold Shisui had on him. It had absolutely nothing to do with Kakashi returning the hold _at all_. Because he _was not_ holding onto his two young ( ~~ _dead_~~ ) Kouhai-s. _Really_. _(Why are you looking at him like that for?_ ). 

"'Tachi, you got old." Shisui said with a crooked smile. Itachi gave a broken sob of a laugh (they politely ignored it when Kakashi did the same) water-ly replying with, "And you never grew." 

"Ne, Ne, ' _Tachi_ ~. We might be in the middle of a war, but no-ones around to stop our claim _now_ ~."

"Hn." They turned to look up at Kakashi-Tachio simultaneously. Kakashi gave a sweat-drop, "Wha-?"

He'd barely finished the first word when two enrage screams cut across the field - halting the last few battles. Kakashi now had the _unenviable_ position of having the Masked Madara at his undefended back, Sasuke sparking, puffing, and fuming at his side, and the _entirely_ enviable (for Konoha) Uchiha-hug-sandwich of which he is a part of. The next actions confused _everyone._

While Red-Faced-Sasuke was inhaling in preparation of an immanent flurry of words and gripping his arm; Madara had thrown aside his mask, grasped Kakashi's shoulder, and started the most confusing and _lengthy_ jumble of words Kakashi had _ever_ hear any Uchiha speak:

Madara? "HOW _DARE_ YOU- YOU _DON'T HAVE_ CLAIM- "

Sasuke "HE ISN'T YOURS- HE'S MINE- _MY_ SENSEI- MINE!!"

Shisui "Little Sasuke grew~ WHO THE _FUCK_ DO YOU THINK YOU _ARE_???!!!"

Madara? " _I'VE_ KNOWN HIM _LONGEST_! HE'S MY _ORIGINAL_ TEAMMATE! _MINE_!!!!"

Sasuke "SHUT UP SHISUI- HE'S **NOT** **YOURS**! HE'S  _ **MINE**_!"

Itachi "Sasuke be polite- _Get your hands **off** **my Treasure** Madara, you're too old to have claimed him-_ "

Sasuke "HE'S TRYING TO _**STEAL** _ MY TREAS- YOU'RE TRYING TO TAKE HIM **TOO**!!!!"

Madara " _ **MY NAME IS UCHIHA OBTIO! KAKASHI WAS MY GENIN TEAMMATE! I FOUND HIM FIRST! HE'S MINE!**_ "

 

(There was a silence as, Kabuto having secretly summoned the real Madara, the entire shinobi collectives paused as this new information was brought to life.)

* * *

 

 _(The Return of Obito was something that, like all good ninja nations, was recorded to the nth degree. From multiple angles. By multiple people. And collated together. For informative purposes. Definitely_ not _for the drama. (It would make for a wonderful soap opera though) For Prosperity. You can't get any better than_ this!)

* * *

 

 

" _Obito_!?" Kakashi managed to scrape together enough processing power to whisper in devastation (Obit _obito_ **Obit O**bito- _He tried to take over the world-_ ) before promptly passing out. _~~(The Fourth Hokage had turned to stone, frozen with all the knowledge flooding his brain. Ow.)~~_

 _(For a man whose mistakes constantly haunt him; it was amazing how long he held on for. First Namikaze_ Minato _, then Uchiha's_ Itachi _and_ Shisui _, then Uchiha_ Sasuke _, and now Uchiha_ **Obito** too _?! Yes, too much at once his brain decided. Goodnight.)_

 

"...."

"NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!!!" The voices of Shisui and Sasuke roared over the battlefield. Itachi may not have raised his voice to yell, but he didn't need to say more than one word, " **Amaterasu!** "

Black flames spilled forth towards the newly unmasked Uchiha. Obito disappeared into Kaumi after letting go of Kakashi. The moment Obito's grasp was released, Itachi evacuated the area with the unconscious shinobi. Obito reappeared behind where Itachi had stood, kunai in hand. Sasuke and Shisui simultaneously attacked. Obito disappeared to chase after ~~Kakashi~~ His Treasure.

Madara (the REAL one this time) took the opportunity to forward his mad plan. Or at least try to. Unfortunately for him, he lost most of his self-restraint towards his instincts a long time ago. This meant that, while hobbled of in that cave tending to Obito, he had listened to Obito expounding upon his Treasures. At length.

 _(It was how he knew who to target. Rin would be missed the most, but she was barely a_ proper _treasure - not enough time to grow into her potential - unlike Kakashi. Whom Madara had left alive)._

Which meant he had formed a secondary attachment towards Hatake Kakashi. 

_(It couldn't possibly be because he was reminded of a less prejudice version of his own Treasure, Senju Tobirama. No, it couldn't be that at all.)_

So, naturally, he joined in with the time honoured tradition of staking Uchiha Claim on Hatake Kakashi's Uchiha Rights. None of the other Uchiha's were happy about that _at all_. For the next three hours the Shinobi Alliance just watched the Uchiha's battle it out. And watch Konoha Ninja do increasingly challenging skills - all non-lethal until aimed at a Zetsu clone (clones which were so confused they literally stood there frozen, an easy target for everyone's frustrations!).

By the time Itachi, Shisui, Sasuke, and Obito had agreed on a Claim Truce to fight against the _real_ (and creepy) Madara; Kakashi had come around again. This time he was being carried by Obito, whose Kaumi was a gift in making sure Kakashi was intangible to grab by creepy, vaguely paedophilic, great-grandfathers of the Clan. He suddenly remembered viewing all those games of Uchiha-Keep-Away they played when trying to claim their ninja. And he got the World's Worst (Best?) Uchiha's battling it out over him. So Kakashi made the executive decision to _remain_ hanging over Obito's ( _Obito's!_ ) shoulder - he didn't want to be bad-touched by the _Big Bad Ancestor_. At least the rest of the Alliance was taking advantage of their distraction to finish of all of the Zetsu Clones. 

 

As the last of the clones was decimated (thank you, Tobirama-sama!), Konoha Shinobi were showing off. Which was _great_ for Kakashi, because his murderous group of Uchiha were starting to notice all of the high-classed, high-skilled, and high-powered shinobi there were _just standing there, waiting to be collected_. The Uchiha were slowing down now, appreciating the show of skills they were getting.

Before they [the Uchiha] could make the first move, two voices rang out with eerie similarities: 

" ** _SaaasuuuuKKEEEEE!_** " Naruto flung himself forward towards his old teammate.

" ** _MaaaaaaadaaaaAAARRRAAAAA!_** " Hashirama cried out, also flinging himself forward towards his old frienemey. 

 

_(Kakashi shuddered, slightly hysterical. What if they meet and get a long and BOOOM! there goes the world.....)_

 

Sasuke and Madara then seemed to realise that, hey, more of their Treasures exist. Then proceeded to kidnap them, with very little difficulties from their respective Narutos and Hashiramas.

 

(Their Sakuras and Tobiramas on the other hand...

"At least _my_ Uchiha didn't go so _crazy_ as to try and take over the _world_."

"At least _my_ Uchiha actually _had_ a plan, and didn't get lead around by the _nose_."

... They were working on it).

* * *

Tsunade read over the Form 9A, Classification UCH, and said, "At least _some_ Uchiha know how to properly file of the Ritual Kidnapping Period."

"Huh?" Asked Shizune. 

"Let's just say that Kakashi and Tenzou will be on vacation for a long while!" Tsunade exclaimed with a sly grin, "I do hope Itachi and Shisui won't be too hard on them!"

* * *

 

 _Curled up in decadently soft and fluffy blankets, surrounded by heavenly pillows and spoiled, snoring dogs, Hatake Kakashi and Yamato Tenzou were cocooned within an ancient and forgotten Uchiha Base hidden deep within Fire Country's oldest forest; being catered to by their ANBU teammates: Uchiha Shisui and Uchiha Itachi. Uchiha Obito was currently growing a better defensive dome to surround a field large enough to train in, after all it would be terrible if_ any _of them started to loose their skills._   

 

* * *

 5055 words. The longest I've ever written...

* * *

 * I have a theory that, once you hit puberty, your chakra signature starts to 'change and evolve' along with your body. So technically Sasuke's should have changed enough to, essentially, read as "Sasuke-False" subconsciously - which leads most ninja to ignore him consciously (so long as his chakra is suppressed).

Sasuke failed to take into account that Kakashi is a _certified genius among genii_. He would know all about the conscious and subconscious reactions, especially as it still pings as "Sasuke" (as in, the remnants of child-Sasuke - or what makes him Sasuke) to him.

 Think in terms: Physical chakra changes with the body, Spiritual with the mind (or Soul), and both combined is a persons chakra signature: so everyone goes through at least one physical change, most ninja go through one spiritual change (usually when the revelation of just what their job entails finally sinks in) but the bare signatures of both (they're like blueprints) remain - you may have changed the design to fit the current model, but it's still the same form and function if you look deep enough:

  "Look Underneath the Underneath" is very much a saying Kakashi lives by, he even told you Sasuke, what made this instant any different?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your Kudos! And for waiting patiently! My mother recently had a heart attack so I was busy moving back in with her.  
> (also, wow, didn't realise how long this was gonna be)  
> ...................  
> Kisame came out of nowhere, shoved me out of the way, and said write me a little back story for being blue and awesome, then use me to describe Tobi and Itachi. There was a sword at my throat and everything. 
> 
> Yes, Kisame sometimes refers to Itachi as "the Kid" because Itachi was only 13, at most 14, when he massacred his family and joined a criminal organisation.
> 
> Orochimaru with Kabuto as guest appearances - I'm convinced that half of everything they do (apart from a well thought out evil-plan) is for trolling everyone. Because Oro is a passive-aggressive bastard that'd do that, and is Kabuto's father-figure. (And Sasuke makes it too easy). Poor Oro though - even without Shisui's eye Danzou is damn good at making things go his way, Danzou will _never_ be redeemed in my eyes (accept that fic where Hiruzen got drunk and decided it would be a good idea for Danzou to run a root program and Danzou just called bullshit like "all your good ideas make me look like an evil dick-ward and you the hero. fuck you. but i'll do it anyway.")
> 
> If Itachi is more a (big)cat/crow, Sasuke is a grumpy (house)cat/goose. There is nothing you can say to convince me otherwise.  
> ........................................................................  
> also, notes i used in writing, because as i was looking over them i laughed:  
> .....................................................................  
> sasuke house cat extrodinair  
> orochi gave updates  
> sasuke does angry goose impression  
> kabuto does not appreciate being insulted  
> he lets you know through emotional revenge  
> isnt that sweet?  
> sasuke stalks like a fangirl  
> nardo is a idiot savant (but only vaguely hinted at)  
> sakura is going to beat the shit out of you (either with fist or paper)  
> i didn't know sensei was that badass  
> did you? (of course)  
> .................................................................  
> kabuto summons ppl  
> hokages appear  
> madara appears (maybe later)  
> shisui appears  
> everyone else stops for a moment when akastuki appears  
> appearances not in order  
> kakashi gets willingly kidnapped  
> then uchiha battle for the RIGHTS!!! begin  
> Konoha starts showing off.   
> everyone agrees konoha be crazy  
> and crazier for making the crazy WORK for them  
> The Return of Obito


	6. Add-ons: the will of fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because, apparently, I really can't leave well-enough alone. Damn you muses and inspiration. 
> 
> And because this actually ties in with the Uchiha (specifically the building of Konoha) than an actual adjacent fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd promise that this will be the last chapter in this fic, but I really can't.
> 
> This is written messily, as a sorta dot point/working my way through it thing like the first few chapters.

So I was reading through a few Naruto fics, specifically around the Warring Clans Era, when this hit me out of nowhere:

So, "Village in the Leaves" comes from two main subjects: Hashirama (Wood Release), and the fact that Fire Country is filled with enormous forests and woods (because naming a Hidden Village after Leaves when you live in a barren/rocky/water-logged place doesn't make sense, even after one of the Founders abilities).

So, conveniently: Konoha. However, it is also - subjectively - named after the _Senju_. Which, after countless decades (centuries?) of conflict, do you really think that the _Uchiha_ would take that lying down? No - _I didn't think so either._

 

Fortunately, the _Will of Fire_ comes into play. The "Will of Fire" comes after two main subjects as well: "Fire" Country, and the Uchiha. After all, what embodies passionate feelings, rage, and warmth like the Uchiha?

(I'm gonna be honest, I personally believe it started as a Joke. Like, even before the peace treaty.)

 

Madara and Hashirama have always been each others main battle opponents, right? So, conversely, Tobirama and Izuna have also been each others opponents. And I reckon that, _despite_ how the younger pair would treat their battles with all the _seriousness_ it deserves, they're still prone to shout-out the most _stupidest_ things that come to mind.

Because they're essentially _child_ soldiers, and Izuna died at, what?, 15-17?, so they spend most of their pre-teens and hormone-ly unbalanced teen years fighting and inventing new jutsus. And, taking how absolutely shattered and betrayed Madara was at Izuna's death, they must have had _some_ sort of battlefield camaraderie going on.

 

(Also, could be that Tobirama was a _shared_ treasure between the two: At the basis -  Madara trusted him to look after his brother/teach him; Izuna loved that he could go all out against the older younger brother. Because I think Tobi would be a few years older (no greater than 3 tho)).

 

So, you have Tobi constantly creating and battle field testing new jutsus; so Izuna would be doing something similar to keep up. And here's the real kicker: the boys are _elemental opposites_ , in both chakra nature _and_ personality. Then Add-On hormones. So neither of them can keep their tempers, nor can they help trying to one-up each other.

So you'd have Tobirama not-quiet succeeding in some of his battle-field tested jutsus, Izuna mocking him, Tobirama using this to semi-complete his jutsu (because he'd be _THAT_ kind of bastard), and Izuna creating new taijutsu/sword/genjutsu/jutsu moves (pulling them out of his _ass_ , more like)  to compensate.

* * *

 

Imagine:

Tobi has been working on the theory of his water dragons (as an example), uses it in battle for the first time. He gets an impressive shape starting to form, Izuna starting to sweat, then it collapses on top of him (tobi). Cue Izuna laughing, with a "Did you SEE your FACE?" and "look like a DROWNED RAT" and "Your _dragons_ don't want to _water_ " and other lame, childish, not-actually-funny funny insults.

Then Tobi would go all rage, except he's water, so his rage is cold as _ice_ m*therf*cker. (so he goes _Icy_ ) He goes all analytical with the critical thinking and, essentially uses his icy rage as a hax boost (like an idiot-savant without the idiot) to pull off what could have taken _at least_ another 6 months to pull off. Tobi gets his water dragon to water. And Izuna has gone from "omfg you are ridic" to "ohh fu-ugdicals I'm gonna die" in 0.9 secs before tobi pulls it off. (because sharingan hax). 

Now, while Tobirama can, and will, use "Izuna Battlefield Tests (IBTs) TM" (because, yes, Tobi isn't an oblivious idiot - cough/Hashirama/cough - and has a specific scientific procedure centred entirely around Izuna), you have to remember that haxes generally have a down fall. So jutsus completed this way tend to be weaker comparatively to those Tobirama takes time to master. 

As his dragon is released, Tobirama does what most young 12-14 year old boys (and girls) try, and _fail_ , to do: a witty one-liner*. "See my dragons water  _NOW!!_ " 

 

_*(yes, not very original. But in my experience - both personal and otherwise - when you're that worked up you tend to latch on to what ever your opponent said last. It doesn't tend to make sense, or be witty in the end... thankfully when you're that age hormones help make both people over look these instances - so long as both people are sufficiently worked-up. I don't think this works very well in a group though...)_

 

So, Izuna still gets hit - he only manages to half dodge - at what would probably be its lowest-power-level-ever. So deep bruising and tender ribs to look forward to later. But now Izuna has lost his temper, sopping wet. 

Rage!Izuna is fiery - like most Uchiha. So the water he's drenched in starts steaming as Izuna's temper _ignites_  (yes, puns, I do them), both literally and figuratively. So now Izuna is on fire and in a fiery rage like most classic demonically!angry!anime characters. And, of course, he yells loud enough to echo across most of the battle field "WITNESS MY WILL OF FIRE, YOU WATERY BASTARD!" and proceeds to create the Multi-Balled Phoenix Flame Attack (idk - a sufficiently fiery attack) on the spot.

 

As such, Madara hears Will of Fire - sees enormous fiery combustion - and does what any loving and caring older brother would do. (After the battle ended of course). He proceeds to tease, mock, and generally laugh at his brother. Madara has a grand time annoying his little brother.

Until 3 battles later,  _Madara's temper_ manages to ignite (thanks Hashirama) and yells without think, " _BY MY WILL OF FIRE!!!!!"_ and proceeds to explode most of the battlefield.

* * *

 

The Senju consequently believe that the Will of Fire is an ancient Uchiha jutsu - used to call and/or summon upon the very element of fire itself. One that most Uchiha harbour within their souls. Because how else are you meant to explain why they're all fire and explosive happy all the time?

(The Uchiha, having had a grand time taking the mickey out of their clan heirs, unfortunately now have developed the exceedingly embarrassing habit of bursting out into flames while screaming "Will of Fire" to all and sundry when their tempers ignite. Thankfully, it's only happened on the battlefield. So far....)


	7. Review Reply

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I was replying to a review written by RandomAsRainbows when I ran out of space. 
> 
> I also realised this might be interesting for other people to read as well, as it contains my thought process for a few things. 
> 
> I've also added some of my previous answers to old reviews that also have some explanations as well.

 

**Review by RandomAsRainbows:**

_I love this head cannon and I'm going to go look at any fic I can find that uses it, and when I run out it's going to be weird reading anything with non-collector Uchiha_

_However, why was young Naruto not collected? They had his parents, and the entire village seemed to know he hosted the Kyuubi and so therefore was going to be very powerful no matter what. Why didn't they collect him and help him grow? Were they not allowed to? How do you stop an entire clan from doing something so ingrained in them that the village has come to rely on it defensively?_

_ps: is it jonin or jounin?_   
_If you spelt it in hiragana the characters would be jo-u-ni-n. The u is kind of put after vowel sounds sometimes, like how we pair i' s and e's_

* * *

 

Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'm not sure how successful you'll be, finding fics that bounce off of mine specifically. I know I've linked a few in 'my inspiration' - from Blackkat and Sanjuno - that have similar themes, and TheLadyMuse has a link in 'inspired by' that mentions my canon briefly, but I've not been contacted by any other writers that have been inspired by my fic. So good luck!

(yes, it is really weird reading some 'normal' uchiha fics, for the given value of normal anyway - they're like dragons, magpies/corvines, or bower-birds. Collectors and Hoarders the lot of them!)

Assuming it follows canon, in part, for the Kyuubi attack, the Uchiha were blamed in a 'whisper campaign' for being behind the attack (by Danzo). Danzo is an interesting piece of work. He believes he takes after the ideals Tobirama would have wanted them to carry, and takes them to the extreme. In reality, Tobirama was the balance to Hashirama's naivety and idealistic ways. He was the one to actually set a plan, to create the infrastructure (politically and with bureaucracy) needed to keep the village going, and actively encouraged / _preparation_ / for attacks and other dangers (such as war). Now, saying Tobirama was the be-all and end-all ' _Epitome of Shinobi_ ' (like Danzo has) would be foolish. Tobirama knew he was flawed and prejudiced. He had been raised since birth to hate and fight one clan (The Uchiha) above all others, and he loved his brothers to distraction. So when Hashirama started with his more idealistic views? Tobirama stepped up in the eyes of his father to ensure such 'nonsense' wasn't beaten out of his brother (and played devil's advocate to his brother's ideas). That, of course, only meant a deeper immersion into old and hateful mindsets. (It didn't help that he wanted to keep his younger brothers from ever entering the battlefield, no matter the inevitability, which meant he work thrice as hard at games of war - and eventually running of the clan - than any of his brothers).

This little backstory, plus the death of Izuna, all accumulates into Konoha. Tobirama / _knows_ / he's got prejudice and hatred for the Uchiha, / _knows_ / he's a serious, paranoid bastard. But he's been one for so long, been / _praised_ / for it for so long, that it is hard to change. It also didn't help that Tobirama killed Madara's younger brother - despite being his Treasure at the same time. So Tobirama is dealing with unlearning his bigotry, creating a safe village, helping Hashirama deal with the politics that come with it, the addition of numerous clans that they may not have had a good relationship with, and dealing with Madara's increasingly split-second mood changes (where Madara oscillates between being able to deal with Tobirama, wanting to kill him for his brother, unable to look at him without breaking down, and ignoring him). Then you add on _students_. Students who ended up slightly traumatised by the death of their beloved Sensei.

Danzo, who hadn't known Tobirama before the Village and therefore the marked difference between Tobirama's bigotry / _then_ / and Tobirama's lessened bigotry / _now_ / (because, as I stated, he was / _trying_ / and / _working_ / on lessening it for the sake of the Village, and having Kagami around _helped_ ), went off the deep end and took everything about his beloved Sensei to the extreme. Sensei was distrustful towards the Uchiha? The Uchiha weren't good/fit for the village. Prepare our strengths for war? We are at our strongest at War. Weakness has no place in politics? Sarutobi was running the village wrong (despite how Tobirama had been the one to choose him as Hokage). Watch our enemies? Watch the Uchiha, Sabotage the other Countries, create a network to do it for you... Look Danzo may have once had good intentions, but they very quickly flew out of the window. And for all that he's a shown as a strategist playing a long and calculating game, I find he's simply a bigoted extremist who's world of perfection loosely follows a Nazi's (or I suppose, Neo-Nazi because he wanted to revive an outdated ideal) mind set with a USSR 'secret-police' working system. He's a paranoid, sad little man who was trying to relive his glory days and regain his lost (obsession) chance of becoming Hokage - or rather having the approval of his Sensei.

Which brings me back around to the original question. Danzo would have started his little whisper campaign soon after Tobirama's death. Perhaps during his grief? Who knows - what we do know is that Danzo has been working towards this for a long time. And the timing of the Kyuubi Attack, the loss of their beloved Yondaime, and how Madara was able to control the Kyuubi that one time? That broke loose all the defences that kept the whisper campaign succeeding - they Uchiha had become vulnerable. And the whispers became rumours, and the rumours became gossip, and the gossip became "assumed knowledge". And while most shinobi dismissed it out of hand, it was the civilians that took it to heart. The very police meant to protect them tried to destroy them. (And it was the civilians that the Uchiha clan interacted with most).

And then Danzo started to push for more segregation, and the civilian council pushed it through (and grief blinded most of the people able to prevent it). The Uchiha became stuck between immovable political leashes, and unchanging destructive rumours - unable to act out without it being seen as and act of war.

This is why they were unable to take Naruto, even though it was common knowledge of what he was. They  _couldn't_ not  _wouldn't_ \- not when they were the ones suspected of controlling the Kyuubi (it would have just been seen as confirming it), but by all the gods they  _wanted_ to. So they did what they could instead - they organised more patrols around Naruto, snuck in fresh foods and bentos, convinced their children to show him things that the adults couldn't (not with all the eyes on them). And that's why Naruto's reading is a bit dodgy, he was being helped by the only kids who were allowed to talk to him. It's why Naruto  _knows_ some things and not others. It's why some things are  _instinctive_ because he can't remember where or when he was taught, just that he knows it. (How to hide yourself, keep yourself safe, the beginnings of stealth).

And it explains why he was so obsessed with Sasuke - he can vaguely remember which adults were nicer, which children would talk more to him - even though, as he grew older, more restrictions were placed on those people. 

So, in answer to your questions: it was a gradual process to alienate the Uchiha from the Village by Danzo, helped along with a whole heap of grief.

 

* * *

 

 

**AmikoTheGreat:**

_I HAVE FINALLY READ THE SECOND PART AND I CAN SAY WITH FEELINGS THAT IT WAS THE ABSOLUTE BEST THING TO HAPPEN_   
_The fact that madara formed an attachment to kakashi by obito was hilarious like, Jesus Kakashi don't want that old old man someone save him(would u look at that obito is here with kamui and its untouchability!!) go d the fact that the four of them teamed up against madara is amazing ok, also does that mean that itachi and shishu are revived?_   
_All in all I love it to BITS!! Kakashi starring as a heroine in some icha icha plot is Great!!_

* * *

 

I know right? Sometimes even I can't believe I wrote that!!! (I re-read over it, then the comments, every now and then to ponder whether I should do a few Omakes to go with it.... I know I'll be doing at least one).

I sat there and thought: well now, the Return of Obito happened, but how to move to the next stage? Should it just be a four way fight? And how would I resolve it? Should I add a few more Uchihas?  
And then: Madara gets revived at one point! I need to add him! And then thought about his background:

he <3 hashirama + tobirama. Zetsu made him cray cray (I'm half convinced that Izuna was set up to die), got his hands on young obito (thankfully madara's cray cray is the sort of cray cray that doesn't think about young vulnerable boys unless its as a minion), spend like a year healing his ass, and obi never shuts up, so he'd talk about the things most precious to him, and he's an uchiha - treasures it is. and madara's cray cray latches onto them. cause he lost his treasures, and he needs young obi to be manipulable, and wow does kakashi sound like tobirama.

Madara's an Uchiha's Uchiha - he couldn't very well go end the world under his domination without a Treasure or two by his side now could he? And Kakashi is literally the last thing he'd heard about while he was living, his counterpart in Obito is literally hanging onto Kakashi, and the only other Uchihas around have also latched onto Kakashi -> ergo, Kakashi is the Most Impressive/Important Treasure right now.  
(Remember he's Mad? Well that's why Madara hasn't really latched onto his original, edo-tensai'd version of His Treasures. Madara just isn't thinking clearly right now).

Anyway, it all accumulates to Jiraiya Perving on everyone from the Afterlife - wiping away proud tears while simultaneously writing everything down about his new Ich Ich Heroine "Kashi-chan", who for some reason has silver hair and one eye, with 5 potential aggressively interested love interests, then dissolves into a harem that kicks out the old guy and the young guy (who end up with their own harems) - and some hax with the biju so everyone uchiha is alive again.

So, yes the Uchiha's got revived. I would have said everyone, but no-one wants the Zombie Duo to walk again.

* * *

 

**Edipo:**

_I Am confuse! So Obito didn't win Kakashi? Or who ate Obito new collectives?_

* * *

 

Okay, sorry It didn't seem to clear - the last part was written at 4am after a very long day and night (I almost forgot Obito to be honest).

The implication was that Madara and Sasuke had just absconded with their Treasures (ie: Hashirama & Tobirama; Naruto & Sakura) with out filing the form Tsunade was talking about.   
The Form is specifically for Uchihas to take their Treasure/s away for a while.

Kakashi (and Tenzou), while not really specified, is shared by Itachi, Shisui, AND Obito. This is because Kakashi's and Obito's original Genin team only knew each other for about 2-3 years before things went screwy. While Kakashi trained Tenzou, Shisui, and Itachi for 3+ years (I think...). Those four also made up an ANBU Team - so they became incredibly close in a really short time period (they had to be if they were to survive what is essentially the Black-Ops together). So, Itachi and Shisui have a greater, more recent claim.

However, and this is the tricky bit, Obito also knew Shisui and Itachi (I think he babysat them before Kannabi Bridge?). They were too young to be considered Treasures, and Obito "died" while they were young enough for their memories of him to fade, so he wasn't their Treasure either. If he'd survived the mission, it is entirely possible that Obito would collect Itachi and Shisui as his Treasures as well.

This is, of course, discounting the fact that Obito was so obsessed with Kakashi that he (obi) regularly stalked him (kaka) almost everywhere. So, by that definition, Obito's claim never died out. The only reason it's a weaker claim is because everyone believed he'd died.

So the last part is where, Kakashi (his nin-dogs), Tenzou, Shisui and Itachi are holed up in an Uchiha hide-away re-acquainting themselves with each other (as a former ANBU team) while they've entrusted Obito to set defences around their hide-away (because they're still reeling from the fact that he's alive).

The reason only Itachi's and Shisui's name in on the form, is because Obito is (technically) a War-mongering Wanted Man/ Terrorist. As such, until the heat dies down, Obito needs to keep a low profile.

Hope this helps :)


	8. More Answers to Review(s)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Again, My reply is too long. And it contains information others may find interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for those wondering, yes I'm working on my other fics. It's slow going, some of them I have lost the rhythm of (How Nature Changes a Village) and others just won't cooperate (An Unlikely Friendship). Now I'm not naming the uncooperative fics *coughLiescough* that just won't work with me, but I''m sure you'll all figure them out eventually...
> 
> (also sorry for spamming your inboxes, my internet is being glitchy and I uploaded cause I've already had to re-write this twice... and couldn't remember what I'd written previously D: )

* * *

 

#### Katdemon1895

This is hilariously glorious

Just a thought, maybe the massacre was in part because Danzo was jealous that he was never collected by an Uchiha? Or he was collected only because the Uchiha in question wanted to complete a set and not because of his own talent, Danzo never really shows any special skill except in how to screw things up in the worst way and justify that it’s for some greater good but it’s really not and he’s just the sort to destroy something awesome because he felt he didn’t get a big enough share

Also, given how pissed off tobirama and Sakura might justifiably be at the Uchiha that claims then as treasures, how likely is it that they try to escape their Uchiha for at least a little bit and Itachi, Shisui and obito might tease sasuke and Madara or just be extra smug because their treasure is still tucked away safely

Also, the reactions of the Uchiha the first time Sakura punches something and turns it to dust

-

Danzo is a tuff cookie - it could go either way depending on what you like best and if the moon is full on a Thursday. Realistically? Kagami probably was in the process of collection Danzo, as they're on a team together, and then Tobirama's death happened. I don't know if you've read through the previous reply-chapters, but they expand on that situation.

But in short - Danzo was traumatised then fell into a downward spiral so that any attempt Kagami (and others) still made to collect him probably fail spectacularly. And hurtfully - Danzo did take on the worst parts of Tobirama which included the bigotry towards the Uchiha (and where Tobirama had a legitimate reason - he was raised to kill them in a clan war - Danzo didn't. And Tobi also made an effort to leave it behind. Don't get me wrong, he was still bigoted he was just a less bigoted than before. Danzo, who was raised during the foundation of Konoha, does not have a legitimate reason to universally hate on all the Uchiha. And he takes no pains to correct it.) So in Danzo's grief, paranoia and new found hatred; he snubs, insults and slips venom into conversations with the Uchiha.

And the Uchiha are proud people. They have never / _not_ / been proud (and somewhat arrogant). So they don't put up with it for long. By the time Danzo realised? He probably used it as justification for his bigotry (and deeply hidden resentful jealousy) and an additional reason to murder them all...

-

On Tobi And Sakura: (My thought process to this)

Tobirama / _after_ / the Purelands would be slightly different to Tobirama / _before_ /. Before held the stress of life, the learnt bigotry, and almost constant war paranoia and murder. He would have never accepted Madara's claim - mostly because Tobi killed his brother and Tobi would never believe it was sincere. After his resurrection is a different story - Tobirama's soul is in a place of healing. Which means life's brutal lessons are lessened and taught nuances (cough*bigotry*cough) become faded. I won't (can't**) truly say that the bigotry disappears - because some people are so full of it, it is literally the most of the whole - but I can** say that the Pureland gives them a chance to change and find who they are without it. And Tobirama /did/ make an effort to destroy his bigotry towards the Uchiha in life - so it makes sense he would continue to do so in death. Which means by the time he _is_ summoned to the living again, he's more miffed and cool towards Madara. 

And with this "trying to rule the world" thing? You bet your butt that he's going to give Madara a tuff time... Plus he still has to apologise for killing his brother, and what better way to do that then to resurrect Izuna secretly? (Now, if only Madara didn't hunt him down  _just_ before he completes more than one necessary task...). That and Tobi's a really independent person that probably has personal space issues, so he'll definitely escape every now and then - whether he escapes from his clingy brother or Madara is up to debate.

Sakura is definitely justified to be pissed off (so is Tobirama, its just that he's had the recent experience of the Pureland so...). She's the most overlooked of the original Team 7, and in the end, she got where she is  _without_ her team by her side. Sakura grew strong on her own merits _and_ had to reconcile the fact that her crush and the boy who had a crush on her were both  _so_ much **_more_** into  _each other_ than they were with her. And a sensei that focused more on them as well (but looking back she can't really blame him too much for that - she was a total embarrassment - but Kakashi-sensei could've put a bit more effort into refocusing her attention toward being a ninja, rather than a crush).

No - she's more than pissed with Sasuke right now. Not only did he run to Orochimaru, he almost got their entire graduating class killed, he broke Naruto's heart (and hers, but she's a big girl and can handle that with Ino's help), attacked them all on numerous occasions, is a broody little shit with a brother complex, attacked foreign ninja (specifically Killer B), didn't come home after killing his brother, ran after  _another_ S-Classed missing-nin, attacked Konoha, couldn't make up his damn mind whether he stood with or against the united shinobi nations, and then tried to CLAIM HER!?!!?!! You're damn right she's going to escape that unresolved sexual tension just to be able to breathe!!!!

(And if Sakura and Tobirama just happen to coincide with escaping and have similar hiding spaces? Well, Tobirama is an intelligent nin, and Sakura is an intelligent nin - if they talk (banter) on intelligent *cough* subjects while taking a break? Well, it's just coincident, isn't it?)

-

And Yes - the other Uchiha  _do_ tease Madara and Sasuke mercilessly. Partly because both Tobirama and Sakura can also be found in the company of  _their_ treasures. Sakura because that's her sensei and captain. Tobirama mostly because he followed his fellow escapee, and that Kakashi is an interesting opponent, Tenzo is interested in discussing the differences between natural and artificial mokuton, and when he isn't corrupted by Zetsu and Madara, Obito (and Shisui and Itachi) has a very interesting personality of an Uchiha. (Obito also counts in on the Mokuton discussions).

-

Sakura had had enough. She'd been patient, she'd barely put up a protest, and she'd even come back after a breather. But _this_. This was getting ridiculous. And the  _last straw_ _!_

With gritted teeth, Sakura escaped from yet  _another_ "fight". Right.  _Fight_ \- not physical unresolved sexual tension, not  _flirting with their fists_ , not an excuse to grope each other, not- (well you get the picture). Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad if Naruto and Sasuke could make up their minds on whether they were in a monogamous relationship with each other or propositioning her into a polyamorous relationship; then turning around and ignoring her. Sure, they missed her when she escaped her Uchiha-moon, but when she was there? It was like she was the damn wall. 

Sakura bit back a frustrated scream as she stormed towards a clearing in between Uchiha Temples, specifically a well-secluded one both Tobirama-san and herself could reach.

To make it worse the fight was over whether or not she would wear an Uchiha fan emblem - or rather _where_ she would wear it since Uchiha claiming pretty much guaranteed that she _will_ be wearing it.- and where (not _if_ ) she would wear an Uzumaki one as well. _Without_ consulting her. Without _asking_ if she would be happy rescinding her _own_ clan symbol - because there _is_ a protocol for Uchiha claiming others from another clan, and how they would wear both symbols, but Sasuke had arrogantly assumed that she would be giving her's up. That she would _fold without question_. As though she was still that _12-year-old fangirl_ that would do anything for him. And Naruto did not help by immediately rebutting with how _his_ clan symbol would be in a place of prominence _instead_.  _He didn't ask her_ either _!_

Absently, she noticed that Tobirama-san had arrived and was talking to Obtio-san again. Behind them followed Hashirama-sama and Yamato-sensei - probably describing something about Mokuton, if the gesturing was any clue - and Kakashi-sensei followed with all _their_ collective Uchihas'. Too frustrated for pleasantries, Sakura angrily paced the clearing.

She had spent their years apart rebuilding herself. She had grown past her fannish ways, worked through her insecurities, and  _beat up her fears_. Ino had spent  _years_ helping her through the desolate loneliness being essentially abandoned by her entire  _genin team_ caused her. Tsunade-shisho spent years  _supporting_ her; teaching her, helping her grow, guiding her. And _so. many. others._ They all helped _make_ her into what she is today. Helping her become the _first_ ninja in the Haruno Clan - the _Matriarch_ of Haruno Ninja (as she had worked out with her previous Clan Head - the Haruno Clan would be Civilian and Shinobi, and so have two Clan Heads to oversee them: a Civilian Head and a Shinobi Head. To keep them in check, and to ensure both sets of rules were upheld. The Haruno's, Sakura was proud to say, were a practical sort). To the point that the Haruno Circle had become _recognisable_ to the Ninja of Konoha, and to some _outside_ it. And those boys wanted her to _give that up_. 

Fury hitting its peak, Sakura whirled around to the boulders conveniently sitting behind her and lashed out with one fist of Strength, releasing her chakra violently. The boulder she hit disintegrated into dust. The others directly around it shattered into splinters. And the boulders further away fractured. Suddenly feeling a lot better ( _no of course not, she didn't imagine hitting Sasuke or Naruto. Why on earth would she do that? She imagined them_ together _, much more efficient that way_ ) Sakura relaxed her pose and turned to greet her companions. 

Kakashi and Yamato-senseis were unmoved, aside from the sweat drops and a _slight_ sensation of **doom** as they were once again reminded that, _yes_ , Sakura _had_ inherited  more than Tsunade's talent for healing. Tobirama and Hashirama were stunned - well Hashirama was anyway; Tobirama and Sakura had talked and shown off their skills to each other before - even if it had been on a much smaller scale in order to avoid their respective Uchiha's attention. As such Tobirama had recovered remarkably quickly, already ready pondering aloud what the exact degree of chakra control, personal physical strength, and chakra needed for what Sakura just did. Honestly, it made her a little embarrassed, hearing how skilled she sounded aloud. It boosted her self-confidence nicely and left her with a pleased flush. 

It was then she noticed the Uchiha. Or rather, her attention was drawn to Shisui as he breathlessly said, "Can you do that _again_?"

Shisui, Itachi, Obito and Madara all had their sharingans activated as all-but-Shisui nodded in agreement.

"O-okay!" Sakura squeaked, a little shocked (and slightly wary) of all the sudden Sharingan facing her. Besides, just because she released her immediate fury did not mean her the embers of her ferocity and wrath had faded. Oh no - she'd keep those quietly fed until Naruto and Sasuke stood before. 

And just as before, albeit much calmer, Sakura turned another boulder into dust. There was a satisfied sigh from the Uchihas. 

And then Madara, being the creepiest person in the clearing and _having_ to ensure everyone knew that, mused into the previously comfortable silence, "You know she's the _only_ female that's been collected. And there are _no_ Uchiha females left..."

 

And - after Kakashi, Tenzo, and Tobirama (who was rather fond of his new brain-buddy) chased off after the fleeing Madara with Hashirama following to make sure no  _actually_ died - the remaining Uchiha's turned considering eyes towards Sakura (who stood there in shock, feeling _creeped-the-fuck_  out and a little flattered - Madara  _did_ come back into a young and attractive body, but who _really_ wants to attach themselves to a megalomaniac with delusions of grandure?).

"Kakashi would kill me," Obito stated blandly, then decided that retreat was of the highest wisdom, and went to go beat up Madara with Kakashi. Again. It was a little sentimental of him, but it was one of Obtio's fondest memories with Kakashi in recent history. It helped that could also count as therapy - if you twisted your head sideways and squinted through a waterfall.

 

As for Shisui and Itachi? Well, I think I'll leave that up to you guys.

-

**If I have died, and been reborn, I do not remember it. So take anything I say about the Pureland with a grain (bag) of Salt. This is purely how I imagine the Pureland - specifically for the Naruto Verse - to be like after most of its 'citizens' committed awful things in the name of loyalty (either to an ideal, and village, or themselves) or were killed in terrible ways.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And yes, Tobi and Saku is my BrOTP - they'd work so well together don't you think? (they deal with so much shit from the people they love... both benign and malevolent).
> 
> Sakura is indeed the beginning of her own shinobi clan. To the point where I had half a thought about /other/ civilian families respectfully asking for Sakura to foster their hopeful-ninja-to-be kids... (because I still headcanon that the civilian Haruno are merchants that, if they can't marry off Sakura to better the family, then they may as well get their alliances by offering second-and-third-sons the option of going to the Academy in Konoha. The kids would be young enough to be brainwashed appropriately into little loyal Konohans through the Academy; the parents would get some of the higher profits from their shinobi child (believing the kids still loyal to them); the Merchant Haruno get more allies and connections, and Sakura would be the benevolent overlor- *cough* Matriarch that gently guides the kids into usefulness. (Bonus, she doesn't have to give birth). But I wasn't sure I actually wanted to go that option? I'm still on the fence about it...
> 
> While writing that, I couldn't tell if Sakura was a lesbian with Ino (probably at one point - pretty sure Hinata and/or Tenten as well to be honest...), In a Poly relationship with Naruto and Sasuke, or have a Harem of gorgeous Uchiha (specifically, but not limited to, Shisui and Itachi). I chose the 'safer' path with Kakashi and Tenzo - they could've gone either way, but I chose protective!of!Sakura! so that it leaves that option open (by dealing with Madara's creepy) without stepping on toes. Obito gave me the impression of "If Kakashi is okay with it" vibe. Tobi and Hashi? I could see it with Tobi (more of a slow build-up), however, Sakura hasn't had much interaction with Hashi just yet so *shrugs*
> 
> (Sakura is Bisexual. So she might just run straight back to Konoha into Ino's arms and wail about all the testosterone please give relive me of it all! And no Saku!Uchiha babies in the making unless surrogacy. Ino would totes wage war for Saku you can't not convince me of this)
> 
> (Madara is just creepy - however, the aftermath of this is that it'll give enough time for Tobi to bring back his apology!Uchiha [Izuna] which will add another Uchiha into the debate... this one at least is resurrected closer to Shisui's and Itachi's age, thus closer to Sakura's. And didn't do anything evil, creepy, or misguided - so maybe he has a chance?)


	9. Not really an Update.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not really an update, just a fic alert.

For those interested, I've added

####  [What a Village Stands For (or How Nature Shapes a Village)](http://archiveofourown.org/works/13458426)

As a sort of world building thing for this headcanon. 

 

Originally it was meant to go in front of "Yuu's Story" as a sort of prelude to how Konohan Clans interact and generally bounce off each other. But it was too long. So now it's its own fic. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that I self-edit. And this was literally just an info dump.  
> I'll probably (maybe) smooth it out later.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Uzushiogakure, restored](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12702621) by [TheLadyMuse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLadyMuse/pseuds/TheLadyMuse)




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